The Christmas Song

by Shirley Gnome

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The holidays are here
the bells begin to chime
it makes me feel uncomfortable
every time

they make you
spread the joy, yeah
get into the spirit
by buying it, and eating it
until you take a massive it

Well I don't want it
I say no thanks
lets keep our little savings
in the big big banks I wanna
hide out with you
til the holiday's through

I hate Christmas
I just wanna bang you

Cuz presents decorations all the food and more
leaves me feeling like a dirty old
consumer whore

so no more tree
no more deck the halls
instead I'll be the place where you can
hang your balls

No family gatherings
that I detest
No creepy Uncle Walter
staring at my breasts

Even the food bank will
have to make do
so screw those guys
I wanna love you
I hate the poor
but baby I love you

Oooh, hoo hoo hoo,
It's just a scam
they got us all believing

What a terrible crime
to never leave enough time
to get down on your knees and
find the spirit of the season


Did you finish all your shopping? No,
I don't give a damn
but if by shopping you mean f----ing
then I can't say I am

if the kids are sad
without their Christmas perks
we'll give them
leftover halloween
bootleg fireworks

Well they'll be fine
and now the time is ours
they can entertain themselves
for a couple of hours
and if they light themselves on fire
we'll just shut the door

That's what the fire department is for
They're fine
That's what the fire department is for, yeah.

There should be an innuendo here
instead I'll say this,
I'll f--------------------------- sandwich -------- piss

cuz when it comes down to it
all I want is you.

So f-----------------------
all night
I'll even do it twice

because I
just wanna bang you.


released December 9, 2012
written by Shirley Gnome
performed by Shirley Gnome and The Jen Hodge All Stars
engineered and mixed by Nick Nixon
mastered by Brock MacFarlane


all rights reserved



Shirley Gnome Vancouver, British Columbia

From the west coast of Canada comes this multi-award winning cabaret musician, whose all-original, uncensored music about human nature is hilarious, honest, subversive, smart, empowering, taboo and not for the faint of heart. Her cleverly carnal lyrics go down smooth with her inappropriately gorgeous vocals, and her charm will disarm you through even the most provocative topics. ... more


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