Masturbation Over Breakfast

from Ho Down by Shirley Gnome

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This 8 track (not an actual 8track, it just has 8 songs) CD is Shirley's debut album. Jug band fused with naughty lyricism makes for a sweet and delightful one-mic romp. Featuring guitar, ukelele, washboard, spoons, bass, and kazoo, it's rather silly and the beginning of it all. This album will not be reprinted, so get your collector's item while you still can.

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Full Digital Discography

6

releases

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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of TikTakTrax, The Glitter Song (Remix), The Lady of the Night, The Christmas Song, C*untry Music, and Ho Down. , and , .

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lyrics

monday morning
the alarm went off
my bed was so cozy
and my sheets so soft
i looked at the clock
and i let out a moan
but breakfast wasn't gonna
cook on its own

there's something bout the morning
with the sun so bright
well how can it be wrong
when it feels so right
though i knew i'd go hungry
if i i took too long
i turned off the alarm
and i turned me on

i chose....
masturbation over breakfast
what a tasty treat that I did not eat
i like my orgasm over easy
makes me sizzle like bacon from my head to my feet

i've got nothing on but the radio
and time seems to go oh so very slow
with a flick of my wrist i was in the midst
of a tidal wave of pleasure i could not resist

so i sighed and i giggled
and i checked the clock
i saw that i spent too much time
thinking bout big hard cock

so i jumped out of bed
my tummy said "goddamn!"
but it was drowned by the "thank-you"
of my happy little clam

cuz i chose
masturbation over breakfast
who needs food when you're in the mood
wakes me up better that a cup of coffee
what a positive attitude

i give my pearl a whirl
instead of eating cereal
i think i'll touch myself
leave the granola on the shelf
go between my legs
and forget the eggs
gonna self seduce
and skip past the juice
spend some time with me
instead of coffee and tea
oh my legs will shake
but i don't need a pancake
give the two finger salute
instead of chopping up some fruit
because its me I love the most
i won't have any toast

well the day is done
and what a day!
after such a lovely morning
everything just went my way

now morning stimulation
is a habit I might keep
but i might wack off just to get to sleep
to sleep
wack off and go to sleep goodnight i'm spent
doodley doo doo...

credits

from Ho Down, released April 17, 2009

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about

Shirley Gnome Vancouver, British Columbia

From the west coast of Canada comes this multi-award winning cabaret musician, whose all-original, uncensored music about human nature is hilarious, honest, subversive, smart, empowering, taboo and not for the faint of heart. Her cleverly carnal lyrics go down smooth with her inappropriately gorgeous vocals, and her charm will disarm you through even the most provocative topics. ... more