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James and the Giant Peach

from C​*​untry Music by Shirley Gnome

/
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    Shirley's sophomoric CD, C*untry Music, features a compliment of professional musicians playing actual instruments. As a result, the album legitimately sounds like real music. Full studio production lends legitimacy to gloriously frank tales of anal romance, botched threesomes, and monogamous compromises. Digipack CD case.

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lyrics

JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH

Em G
my friend came up to me
Am D
he said "I gotta make this quick,
Em G
i gotta real big confession to make,
Am Em (clap clap)
and it's that i have a tiny dick
Am Em (clap clap)
i have a tiny little baby dick.

(pause)

I said, "well hey, that's great, I guess
but why you telling me?
you know i love the massive cock
or my name ain't Shir-a-ley
or my name ain't shir-a-ley.

He said, "i think you're wrong about the dong
and how it must be hung
cuz i make up for everything
with the way i use my tongue
the way i use my tongue those

G
stupid fucks with their big wheel trucks
Am
chrome nuts on the back
A Em
trying to make up all they lack with their ride

G
yeah the well equipped that don't move their hips
Am
their junk is just for pride it won't
A
keep her satisfied

Em G
i got a winky, i got a thumbtack yeah
Am D
yeah i'm not afraid to say
Em G
i gotta weewee, i got a stumpy
Am D
but it don't get in my way
Em G
cuz a woman's soul is a bottomless hole
Am D
but the vag 4 inches deep
Em G
with all this skill you'll get your fill
Am Em (clap clap)
and never get to sleep
Am Em (clap clap)
you won't never get to sleep

yeah.....

Em, G, Am, D
Em, G, Am, Em
Am, Em

my mind was blown
and overthrown
i knew he hadn't lied
i'd screamed so loud for the well endowed
but left unsatisfied

but, "sometimes you just can't beat
a big ol' piece of meat
cuz a giant schlong's like a perfect song
it both
can and can't be beat.
it both can and can't be beat."

he just laughed, and did some math
and said, "if what i got,
just ain't enough, you can buy that stuff
and any dildo store, and oh so so much more"
those

G
stupid fucks with their big wheel trucks
Am
chrome nuts on the back
A Em
trying to make up all they lack with their ride

G
yeah the well equipped that don't move their hips
Am
their junk is just for pride it won't
A
keep her satisfied

Em G
i got a winky, i got a thumbtack yeah
Am D
yeah i'm not afraid to say
Em G
i gotta weewee, i got a stumpy
Am D
but it don't get in my way
Em G
cuz a woman's soul is a bottomless hole
Am D
but the vag 4 inches deep
Em G
with all this skill you'll get your fill
Am Em (clap clap)
and never get to sleep
Am Em (clap clap)
you won't never get to sleep

G C D
Is your dick like james, and your balls are a giant peach?
G C D
like the shit you see when you're walking down wreck beach?
Am G
all those nudes got attitudes they walkin around so proud
Am D
but i know what they're looking for is someone to yell out loud

i love your weenie
your cocktail weenie
gimme that juicy
baby pickle I wanna
eat your mini corn dog
you gotta give it all to me
cuz a woman's soul is a bottomless hole
the vag four inches deep
all this skill
get your fill
never get to sleep
never get to sleep

break it down now

E, E,
E, E, B, D
E, E,
E, E, B, D

If you're confidant put yo hands up
If you don't give a fuck put yo hands up
If yo style is slick put yo hands up
if you gotta small dick put yo hands up
if you gotta small dick put yo hands up
if you got a baby carrot put your hands up
if your balls are like marbles put your hands... too soon?

Em G
Am D
Em G
Am D

Em G
skinamarinkydinkydink,
Am D
skinamarinky doo,
Em G
i don't care how small it is, I'll
Am D
still have sex with you
Em G
I fuck you in the morning in the afternoon,
Am D
I fuck you in the evening underneath the moon
Em G
skinamarinkydinkydink I'll
Am Em (clap clap)
still have sex with you, just
Am Em (clap clap)
please don't come too soon

credits

from C​*​untry Music, released October 12, 2012

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about

Shirley Gnome Vancouver, British Columbia

From the west coast of Canada comes this multi-award winning cabaret musician, whose all-original, uncensored music about human nature is hilarious, honest, subversive, smart, empowering, taboo and not for the faint of heart. Her cleverly carnal lyrics go down smooth with her inappropriately gorgeous vocals, and her charm will disarm you through even the most provocative topics. ... more

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