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Five Boner Night

from C​*​untry Music by Shirley Gnome

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    Shirley's sophomoric CD, C*untry Music, features a compliment of professional musicians playing actual instruments. As a result, the album legitimately sounds like real music. Full studio production lends legitimacy to gloriously frank tales of anal romance, botched threesomes, and monogamous compromises. Digipack CD case.

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lyrics

25 behind me, 30 coming up around the bend
I'm suddenly finding that I'm hanging out with all these younger men

their stamina and energy
are bringing out the cougar in me
because its hard, and its hard, and its hard again
but now i know just where to go to find a man who maintains

are you, hoo, hoo, under 22
then you're a five boner honey
wanna five boner night with you

i love the sight of a young buck becoming a stag
bop em on the head and shove 'em in my cougaring bag

they're afraid of commitment you see
but that's really working fer me
damn you're as cute as can be
i'm gonna have to see some ID

are you, hoo, hoo, under 22
then you're a five boner man
wanna five boner night with you

they get real excited when I tell them that I have a trampoline
i also have an xbox, candy and a giant bag of weed
well a backpacking baby really wanna get laid
well I think that I can find you a place to stay and when I
get knocked up then i'll tell you how this ends
in 20 years from now I'll be fucking my baby's friends

ooh, hoo, hoo, under 22
you're a five boner man
wanna five boner night with you

inexperienced?
let me break the tension
follow my direction
pay attention
top left of the clitoris
that's the sexy section
your sperm is potent
always use protection
pluck out your only chest hair
add to my collection
lets have fun now
counting your erections

1
2
3
4
5?
5!

ee, hee, hee, are you over 16?
well I think it's time you lost
your virginity

baw-naw-no-naw-no-naw-no-naw-nahw-now-na-no.

credits

from C​*​untry Music, released October 12, 2012

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about

Shirley Gnome Vancouver, British Columbia

From the west coast of Canada comes this multi-award winning cabaret musician, whose all-original, uncensored music about human nature is hilarious, honest, subversive, smart, empowering, taboo and not for the faint of heart. Her cleverly carnal lyrics go down smooth with her inappropriately gorgeous vocals, and her charm will disarm you through even the most provocative topics. ... more

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