Get all 6 Shirley Gnome releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of TikTakTrax, The Glitter Song (Remix), The Lady of the Night, The Christmas Song, C*untry Music, and Ho Down.
1. |
Intro
03:00
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2. |
Womanhood
03:31
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3. |
Hipster Vagina
03:21
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HiPSTER VAGiNA
i got a hot new trend
hiding in my pants
a sleek and indie treasure
you might know about perchance
but i wouldn't be surprised
if you don't know what i mean
it's really only known
in the underground scene
have you heard about
my hipster vagina?
hip between my hips
but it's not easy to find, oh
because for a vagina, it's pretty obscure
you might not have yet
even heard of it at all
well it loves tight pants
but not the sensation
leaves nothing but a camel toe
to the imagination
and it thinks that mainstream porn
is really kinda weird
i guess that would explain the
bushy hipster beard
loves the feeling of the seat
of a retro fixie bike
no brakes and lots of bumpy roads
that's what it really likes
it also gets creative
like the paintings done in France
it makes abstract art
in my underpants
have you heard about
my hipster vagina?
so cool it has two labias, a major and a minor
it's known in smaller crowds
but it gets bigger all the time
you might not have yet
got to see it in it's prime
well if you talk to it ironically
then you might score
i hope it doesn't smell like
a second hand store
it pretends it doesn't care
but that's not true at all
'cause the one's who say they don't give a fuck
give the most fucks of them all
so now you know about my hipster vagina
pretty unknown but go and set a timer
'cause pretty soon you'll see
just how trendy it will be
and everyone will want this vagina
when it goes mainstream
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4. |
Horrible Sex Dream
03:02
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you're just somebody
i know but not really
you're a friend of a friend
and i guess you're alright
i can honestly say
i don't find you attractive
but you were inside of my
dream last night
in the magical sleep time
you took all your clothes off
i was super turned on
but i wasn't awake
while i was sleeping
the images creeping
around in my brain
we'll they're hard to explain
horrible sex dream
sex dream about you
woke up in a cold sweat
i tried to forget
horrible sex dream
worst thing i've ever seen
i gotta let it, i
i gotta let it go
your ass inflated
you got down on all fours
you wiggled your bum
and yelled "climb aboard!"
i got on top of you
and rode you around and
then we fucked you made
walrus sounds
why did we do it
on the teletubbies set
that is so
inappropriate
when you came you yelled
"YOU AND i ARE ONE!"
and then spiders came tumbling
out of your dick
horrible sex dream
sex dream about you
woke up in a cold sweat
i tried to forget
horrible sex dream
worst thing i've ever seen
i gotta let it, i
i gotta let it go
the next time i saw you
we were at a party
you said hello i just
screamed and ran off
i know it's irrational
and kind of insane
but when i see you i see spiders
coming out your penis, again and again
and again and again…
horrible sex dream
sex dream about you
i shouldn't have blamed you
for the things in my brain
a horrible sex dream
it doesn't mean anything
you're not to blame
for my sleepy time shame
i'm not to blame
for my sleepy time shame
no-one's to blame
for my sleepy time shame
except for maybe HBO
and the cheese that i ate
BAD DREAM!
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5. |
Love Fading Away
04:34
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i wanna say
without you i would die
but if you stayed i would die as well
we all die eventually
i wanna say without you
i'd be lost
but that's because i have no
sense of direction
and you're the one with the
smart phone
i'll never love this way again
until i fall in love again
which i would do
if this fell through
'cause my heart is big and i'm horny too
the thought of our love fading away
to be honest it would be okay
there's a lot of other people that i could fuck
the fact that i'm with you is mostly out of luck but
but i need you
i need you
i need you
to get things off the top shelf
'cause i'm too short i
can't do it by myself
and baby if you cheated on me
i'd be so sad
but then i'd realize you were a douche
and i'd menstruate onto all of your clothes
baby we've been fighting
i was wrong and i'm crying so hard
on second thought, go fuck yourself
there's no way kirk is better than picard
i'd wait forever for you
but forever is kind of abstract
so i'd wait for a reasonable amount of time
and then i'd try to call your phone back
the thought of our love fading away
to be honest it would be okay 'cause
love's not a thing that you gotta force
i think that's why they call it beating off a dead horse
don't leave me
don't leave me
don't leave me
all the dishes to do
by myself
'cause it's your turn if you
do them i'll still help
you know they say that
you're nobody til
somebody loves you but
well there's been many times when
nobody's loved me at all
but how can i be nobody
when i've always got my sweet sweet body
so if you say see ya later
i'd still have my vibrator
the thought of our love fading away
to be honest it would be okay
sometimes you gotta roll when the tune don't rock
'cause nobody likes to fuck a soft cock
they call it pushing rope
they call it soft serve
they call it noodles and cheese
but i still want to connect
at least while our love
is erect
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6. |
Not For Me I Guess
04:36
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you hold me in your arms
you look at me and say
you're my old lady, my sexy mama
wanna be with you every day
i try to find that sweet
but it's like you just dropped a bomb
'cause you said i was attractive
but you also said that i was your mom
and then you said - "who's your daddy"
it didn't quite turn me on
so i said he's the man who lives in a house
with the woman that is my mom
you looked at me confused
i must have looked it too
but i don't wanna picture my dad's face
while i'm having sex with you
maybe its just me
but i'm not turned on
sexually
well maybe i'm hung up
but calling me your mama it
seems kinda fucked up
and i don't wanna call you daddy
when you're getting me undressed
parent fucking and incest well it's
really not for me i guess
you look at me and you smile
you say "i didn't mean it that way"
you say "baby baby pretty baby
that's just something i like to say"
you just called me a baby
yes you did don't like
'cause i'm the woman you have sex with
and you called me an attractive child
maybe i'm just stoned
and i'm thinking far too much but
why do we call each other infants
when we're sexually active adults
maybe it's just me
but i'm not turned on
sexually
'cause don't you think it would be sick
if i called you a toddler while i sucked your dick
so i'm not gonna call you baby
when you're playing with my breasts
the baby rapin' that you suggest well it's
really not for me i guess
then you say to me
"i wanna do it doggystyle"
ooh you say to me
"right in your pussy"
why would you pretend to be a dog
and then have sex with my cat
please don't have sex with my cat
i don't think she'd like that
well maybe it's just me
but once you see it,
you can't un-see
maybe i'm hung up
are people just so fucked up
we gotta find a way around this
just do the things we both like to do
so let's stick to the normal stuff
lie down
i'm gonna pee on you
yeah yeah
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7. |
Hooker
05:56
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i went looking for a man
just to hold his hand
up against my clam
'til he knew how to shazam me
i didn't want his money
i just wanted his honey
honey is a metaphor
for penis
i'm an independent lady
i ain't nobody's baby
but i'm undereducated
and i'm really poor
early in the morning
with no apparent warning
he paid for my breakfast
i didn't expect this
i would have fucked him for free
but i didn't stop him from buying it for me
it was hard to deny the smell of bacon
and my belly was aching
am i a hooker now
am i a hooker now
'cause technically i don't see
the difference between me
and women advertising
their pricy punani
i'm a hooker now
exchanging my vagina
for meal down at the diner
i'm a hooker now
i think that i'm a hooker now
why hadn't i discovered this before?
eggs with a side of
feeling like a dirty whore
will it be easier to tempt me
if my fridge at home is empty
my friends say
"you gotta let him be the man"
but that just don't feel right
i'd rather he put his mouth where his money is
oh he can blow it all in one night
then again
birth control make up and tampons
they don't really pay for themselves
and an orgasm is really nice but it
won't fill up my shelves
free drinks at the bar
less hassle at the border
better tips for titties
when you take their order
all that we do
can come with a reward
if we can get
a penis hard
are we all hookers now
a bunch of hookers in the night
'cause technically i don't see
the difference between me
and women who demand
a little money for their clam
are we all hookers now
exchanging a vagina
for a life a little finer
are we hookers now
i think that we're all hookers now
but a ten dollar breakfast
for fucking all night
that's pretty inexpensive
it's a bargain price
would it be worse
if i did it for free
or should i ask for more
it's confusing me
city nights, filthy dives
gender fights and trophy wives
now i know why people call it
nature's wallet
all the women who independent
throw your hands up at me
all the honeys who makin' money
throw your hands up at me
all the mommas who profit dollas
throw your hands up at me
or just throw money, please throw your money
i'm so fucking hungry
but here's the solution i see
you don't need to buy me a meal or a drink to fuck me
no you don't need to spend a dime
to get your sexy vagina time
instead, if you could insist
in your daily life, in any way that you can
to work towards a world where women get paid the same amount
for the same job as a man
then i will totally suck your dick
so get to it and get to it quick
if you smash that glass ceiling down
i'm gonna grab your body and go to town
and if you help the little girls of the world
go to school so they can learn how to read
then i'll do fisting or anal or threesomes or anything
you sexually need
i will fuck the shit out of you
yes i will fuck the shit out of you
i know it seems kind of strange but i'll be
a hooker for positive change
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8. |
You Are The Sun
03:09
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it's what you do
not what you say
that makes you who
you are today
words are light
and action weighs a ton
and although i say
that i'm okay
i'm pretty drunk
and its midday
i'm pant-less and i'm screaming at the sun
the sun you see
it talked to me
and that sounds nuts
but hopefully
it's just the drugs and drinking that i've done
but i see the sun
and i feel the sun
then the sun yells
"i'm the moon"
oh no you're not
fuck you you are
the sun
'cause between the breezes
and the trees
there's not a move
that disagrees
we watch them know
each other when they meet
so fuck you sun
you are the one
who lied in front of
everyone
stop saying that
you're not the fucking sun
why am i irrationally
angry at the sun
i am yelling in the street
in front of everyone
you know this really all started
on the day i got dumped
i got my heart blown up
like it's dynamite
while kissing me
he did pretend
that everything
was on the mend
but said he would rather be
with someone else that day
he said
"let's just keep kissing, this is fine
your make up looks good when you cry
oh yes and happy birthday, by the way"
well saying that it's all okay
it doesn't make things change that way
it made me feel insane, but i know why
it was like he was
stabbing me
with a novelty machete while he
yelled out "i'm a nice and friendly guy!"
stab stab stab
so i see the sun
and i feel the sun
when the sun says
"i'm the moon"
i say whatever helps you sleep at night
'cause it's what you do
not what you say
that makes you who
you are today
i think that i'll go sit upon the lawn
and watch the setting sun until it's gone
but i don't want to put my pants back on
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9. |
Period Songs
01:17
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when the blood comes out
the tampon goes in
when the blood comes out
the tampon goes in
when the blood comes out
the tampon goes in
and to answer your question it
doesn't feel good
i don't get turned on putting in a tampon
i don't get turned on putting in a tampon
i don't get turned on putting in a tampon
it does not feel good at all
ridin' ridin' that cotton pony
ridin' ridin' that cotton pony
ridin' ridin' that cotton pony
never felt good at all
baby you make me laugh so hard
i laughed so hard it made my tampon
come right out
it fell down my leg and
it rolled under the table i guess
this is a thanksgiving we'll
never forget
yeah
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10. |
Believe In Yourself
04:54
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they say it's impossible
they shit on your dreams
but don't listen to them because
it's not what it seems
they try to tear you down
say you're a hopeless fool
to give up and to smarten up
the world can be so cruel
don't listen to the haters
forget all that stuff
you can put anything up your vagina
if you try hard enough
so believe in yourself
you can do anything
trust in yourself
and you'll have everything
a cucumber, a dozen eggs
or a can of mountain dew
there's nothing that you can't shove
deep inside of you
the vagina is a hell of a drug
a powerful force of life
it can birth a 10 pound baby
it can make sweet love all night
my friend told me that it can fit
a whole bottle of wine
i asked her how she knew she said she
read it online
but i could see right through her
i knew that she had tried
i could tell by the way she walked away
waddling side to side
so believe in yourself
you can do anything
get your hands dirty and try
it's the only time
when having kids
will make something
easier to do
so come on moms lets see what those
humongous cunts can do
compared to all the objects
you can shove in your hoo hoo
there are so many things that are harder
to get inside of you
like the feeling of belonging
or a little self-esteem
hope for the future
hope for your dreams
in a world that always tells you
you're not good enough
well an orange, or the handle of a frying pan
that's the easy stuff
so believe in your
expansive muff
you don't need a purse
you don't need a bag
all you need is you
check your asshole there might be
some room in there too
believe in yourself
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11. |
Gather 'Round
02:50
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gather 'round
listen to the sound go
our arms around each other
like a sister or a brother
i feel so close to all of you
we are one and we are true
but now i think that we all know
this whole place smells like b.o.
the odours mix together
like farts and old wet leather
it'll have to end sooner or later
like being stuck in a farty elevator
but to say something would be rude
no-one wants to kill the mood
so let's keep swaying side to side
and our disgust we'll try to hide
well i've had my fun thank-you so now
sing one more time and sit back down
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12. |
The Glitter Song
04:16
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i'm a devastating diva with perfect pitch
i'm a bonefied busty buxom bad-ass bitch
but i drink too much, i make poor life choices
i woke up in a ditch
just me and my bike
piled up in a heap
guess i didn't take a cab
'cause i'm too cheap
that's the best i can guess
'cause my memory's a mess
at least i'm still wearing my dress
that's when it hit me
in the morning light
under my clothes
something wasn't right
i took a peak underneath, what did i find
mystery glitter where the sun don't shine
whose glitter, glitter is this
all over my clitoris
i've had a shower twenty-five times
but i can't get the glitter off this vulva of mine
whose glitter, whose glitter
whose glitter is this
all over, all over
the place where i piss, yeah
ooh
glitter when i sneeze
glitter when i cough
it's been a couple weeks
and i still can't get it off
i know what they say now
i know what they shout
glitter is like herpes and
i am breaking out
glitter in my panties
glitter in my shoe
when i took a dump
there was glitter in my poo
glitter on my clothes
on everything i've worn
i think i might have fucked
a unicorn
but when i saw my reflection
i looked so good
like a diamond in the rough
with all these sparkles on my muff
sure it's itchy and it's scratchy
and it burns down below
but the glitter in my soul
is like the glitter on my hole
this glitter, glitter is bliss
all over my clitoris 'cause
i've had a shower twenty-five times
but i never want the glitter off this
vulva of mine
i gotta have it
i gotta have it
now that i've tried, so tell me
where did that unicorn
where did that unicorn
where did that unicorn hide?
i wanna go for another ride
shine bright like vagina
shine bright like vagina
shine bright like vagina
beautiful diamonds between our thighs
shine bright like vagina
shine bright like vagina
shine bright like vagina
shine bright like vagina
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13. |
Outro
00:25
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Shirley Gnome Vancouver, British Columbia
From the west coast of Canada comes this multi-award winning cabaret musician, whose all-original, uncensored music about human nature is hilarious, honest, subversive, smart, empowering, taboo and not for the faint of heart. Her cleverly carnal lyrics go down smooth with her inappropriately gorgeous vocals, and her charm will disarm you through even the most provocative topics. ... more
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