The Lady of the Night

by Shirley Gnome

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    This CD captures two years of songwriting, just Gnome and guitar, live in front of an intimate audience in a run down hipster venue in Vancouver. It reflects her first two years as a person who actually succeeded in making dirty country music into a job. Things get dark and sad and confusing, but mostly just stupid and gross and hilarious. Comes with a lyrics booklet so you can sing along.

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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 6 Shirley Gnome releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of TikTakTrax, The Glitter Song (Remix), The Lady of the Night, The Christmas Song, C*untry Music, and Ho Down. , and , .

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1.
Intro 03:00
2.
Womanhood 03:31
3.
HiPSTER VAGiNA i got a hot new trend hiding in my pants a sleek and indie treasure you might know about perchance but i wouldn't be surprised if you don't know what i mean it's really only known in the underground scene have you heard about my hipster vagina? hip between my hips but it's not easy to find, oh because for a vagina, it's pretty obscure you might not have yet even heard of it at all well it loves tight pants but not the sensation leaves nothing but a camel toe to the imagination and it thinks that mainstream porn is really kinda weird i guess that would explain the bushy hipster beard loves the feeling of the seat of a retro fixie bike no brakes and lots of bumpy roads that's what it really likes it also gets creative like the paintings done in France it makes abstract art in my underpants have you heard about my hipster vagina? so cool it has two labias, a major and a minor it's known in smaller crowds but it gets bigger all the time you might not have yet got to see it in it's prime well if you talk to it ironically then you might score i hope it doesn't smell like a second hand store it pretends it doesn't care but that's not true at all 'cause the one's who say they don't give a fuck give the most fucks of them all so now you know about my hipster vagina pretty unknown but go and set a timer 'cause pretty soon you'll see just how trendy it will be and everyone will want this vagina when it goes mainstream
4.
you're just somebody i know but not really you're a friend of a friend and i guess you're alright i can honestly say i don't find you attractive but you were inside of my dream last night in the magical sleep time you took all your clothes off i was super turned on but i wasn't awake while i was sleeping the images creeping around in my brain we'll they're hard to explain horrible sex dream sex dream about you woke up in a cold sweat i tried to forget horrible sex dream worst thing i've ever seen i gotta let it, i i gotta let it go your ass inflated you got down on all fours you wiggled your bum and yelled "climb aboard!" i got on top of you and rode you around and then we fucked you made walrus sounds why did we do it on the teletubbies set that is so inappropriate when you came you yelled "YOU AND i ARE ONE!" and then spiders came tumbling out of your dick horrible sex dream sex dream about you woke up in a cold sweat i tried to forget horrible sex dream worst thing i've ever seen i gotta let it, i i gotta let it go the next time i saw you we were at a party you said hello i just screamed and ran off i know it's irrational and kind of insane but when i see you i see spiders coming out your penis, again and again and again and again… horrible sex dream sex dream about you i shouldn't have blamed you for the things in my brain a horrible sex dream it doesn't mean anything you're not to blame for my sleepy time shame i'm not to blame for my sleepy time shame no-one's to blame for my sleepy time shame except for maybe HBO and the cheese that i ate BAD DREAM!
5.
i wanna say without you i would die but if you stayed i would die as well we all die eventually i wanna say without you i'd be lost but that's because i have no sense of direction and you're the one with the smart phone i'll never love this way again until i fall in love again which i would do if this fell through 'cause my heart is big and i'm horny too the thought of our love fading away to be honest it would be okay there's a lot of other people that i could fuck the fact that i'm with you is mostly out of luck but but i need you i need you i need you to get things off the top shelf 'cause i'm too short i can't do it by myself and baby if you cheated on me i'd be so sad but then i'd realize you were a douche and i'd menstruate onto all of your clothes baby we've been fighting i was wrong and i'm crying so hard on second thought, go fuck yourself there's no way kirk is better than picard i'd wait forever for you but forever is kind of abstract so i'd wait for a reasonable amount of time and then i'd try to call your phone back the thought of our love fading away to be honest it would be okay 'cause love's not a thing that you gotta force i think that's why they call it beating off a dead horse don't leave me don't leave me don't leave me all the dishes to do by myself 'cause it's your turn if you do them i'll still help you know they say that you're nobody til somebody loves you but well there's been many times when nobody's loved me at all but how can i be nobody when i've always got my sweet sweet body so if you say see ya later i'd still have my vibrator the thought of our love fading away to be honest it would be okay sometimes you gotta roll when the tune don't rock 'cause nobody likes to fuck a soft cock they call it pushing rope they call it soft serve they call it noodles and cheese but i still want to connect at least while our love is erect
6.
you hold me in your arms you look at me and say you're my old lady, my sexy mama wanna be with you every day i try to find that sweet but it's like you just dropped a bomb 'cause you said i was attractive but you also said that i was your mom and then you said - "who's your daddy" it didn't quite turn me on so i said he's the man who lives in a house with the woman that is my mom you looked at me confused i must have looked it too but i don't wanna picture my dad's face while i'm having sex with you maybe its just me but i'm not turned on sexually well maybe i'm hung up but calling me your mama it seems kinda fucked up and i don't wanna call you daddy when you're getting me undressed parent fucking and incest well it's really not for me i guess you look at me and you smile you say "i didn't mean it that way" you say "baby baby pretty baby that's just something i like to say" you just called me a baby yes you did don't like 'cause i'm the woman you have sex with and you called me an attractive child maybe i'm just stoned and i'm thinking far too much but why do we call each other infants when we're sexually active adults maybe it's just me but i'm not turned on sexually 'cause don't you think it would be sick if i called you a toddler while i sucked your dick so i'm not gonna call you baby when you're playing with my breasts the baby rapin' that you suggest well it's really not for me i guess then you say to me "i wanna do it doggystyle" ooh you say to me "right in your pussy" why would you pretend to be a dog and then have sex with my cat please don't have sex with my cat i don't think she'd like that well maybe it's just me but once you see it, you can't un-see maybe i'm hung up are people just so fucked up we gotta find a way around this just do the things we both like to do so let's stick to the normal stuff lie down i'm gonna pee on you yeah yeah
7.
Hooker 05:56
i went looking for a man just to hold his hand up against my clam 'til he knew how to shazam me i didn't want his money i just wanted his honey honey is a metaphor for penis i'm an independent lady i ain't nobody's baby but i'm undereducated and i'm really poor early in the morning with no apparent warning he paid for my breakfast i didn't expect this i would have fucked him for free but i didn't stop him from buying it for me it was hard to deny the smell of bacon and my belly was aching am i a hooker now am i a hooker now 'cause technically i don't see the difference between me and women advertising their pricy punani i'm a hooker now exchanging my vagina for meal down at the diner i'm a hooker now i think that i'm a hooker now why hadn't i discovered this before? eggs with a side of feeling like a dirty whore will it be easier to tempt me if my fridge at home is empty my friends say "you gotta let him be the man" but that just don't feel right i'd rather he put his mouth where his money is oh he can blow it all in one night then again birth control make up and tampons they don't really pay for themselves and an orgasm is really nice but it won't fill up my shelves free drinks at the bar less hassle at the border better tips for titties when you take their order all that we do can come with a reward if we can get a penis hard are we all hookers now a bunch of hookers in the night 'cause technically i don't see the difference between me and women who demand a little money for their clam are we all hookers now exchanging a vagina for a life a little finer are we hookers now i think that we're all hookers now but a ten dollar breakfast for fucking all night that's pretty inexpensive it's a bargain price would it be worse if i did it for free or should i ask for more it's confusing me city nights, filthy dives gender fights and trophy wives now i know why people call it nature's wallet all the women who independent throw your hands up at me all the honeys who makin' money throw your hands up at me all the mommas who profit dollas throw your hands up at me or just throw money, please throw your money i'm so fucking hungry but here's the solution i see you don't need to buy me a meal or a drink to fuck me no you don't need to spend a dime to get your sexy vagina time instead, if you could insist in your daily life, in any way that you can to work towards a world where women get paid the same amount for the same job as a man then i will totally suck your dick so get to it and get to it quick if you smash that glass ceiling down i'm gonna grab your body and go to town and if you help the little girls of the world go to school so they can learn how to read then i'll do fisting or anal or threesomes or anything you sexually need i will fuck the shit out of you yes i will fuck the shit out of you i know it seems kind of strange but i'll be a hooker for positive change
8.
it's what you do not what you say that makes you who you are today words are light and action weighs a ton and although i say that i'm okay i'm pretty drunk and its midday i'm pant-less and i'm screaming at the sun the sun you see it talked to me and that sounds nuts but hopefully it's just the drugs and drinking that i've done but i see the sun and i feel the sun then the sun yells "i'm the moon" oh no you're not fuck you you are the sun 'cause between the breezes and the trees there's not a move that disagrees we watch them know each other when they meet so fuck you sun you are the one who lied in front of everyone stop saying that you're not the fucking sun why am i irrationally angry at the sun i am yelling in the street in front of everyone you know this really all started on the day i got dumped i got my heart blown up like it's dynamite while kissing me he did pretend that everything was on the mend but said he would rather be with someone else that day he said "let's just keep kissing, this is fine your make up looks good when you cry oh yes and happy birthday, by the way" well saying that it's all okay it doesn't make things change that way it made me feel insane, but i know why it was like he was stabbing me with a novelty machete while he yelled out "i'm a nice and friendly guy!" stab stab stab so i see the sun and i feel the sun when the sun says "i'm the moon" i say whatever helps you sleep at night 'cause it's what you do not what you say that makes you who you are today i think that i'll go sit upon the lawn and watch the setting sun until it's gone but i don't want to put my pants back on
9.
Period Songs 01:17
when the blood comes out the tampon goes in when the blood comes out the tampon goes in when the blood comes out the tampon goes in and to answer your question it doesn't feel good i don't get turned on putting in a tampon i don't get turned on putting in a tampon i don't get turned on putting in a tampon it does not feel good at all ridin' ridin' that cotton pony ridin' ridin' that cotton pony ridin' ridin' that cotton pony never felt good at all baby you make me laugh so hard i laughed so hard it made my tampon come right out it fell down my leg and it rolled under the table i guess this is a thanksgiving we'll never forget yeah
10.
they say it's impossible they shit on your dreams but don't listen to them because it's not what it seems they try to tear you down say you're a hopeless fool to give up and to smarten up the world can be so cruel don't listen to the haters forget all that stuff you can put anything up your vagina if you try hard enough so believe in yourself you can do anything trust in yourself and you'll have everything a cucumber, a dozen eggs or a can of mountain dew there's nothing that you can't shove deep inside of you the vagina is a hell of a drug a powerful force of life it can birth a 10 pound baby it can make sweet love all night my friend told me that it can fit a whole bottle of wine i asked her how she knew she said she read it online but i could see right through her i knew that she had tried i could tell by the way she walked away waddling side to side so believe in yourself you can do anything get your hands dirty and try it's the only time when having kids will make something easier to do so come on moms lets see what those humongous cunts can do compared to all the objects you can shove in your hoo hoo there are so many things that are harder to get inside of you like the feeling of belonging or a little self-esteem hope for the future hope for your dreams in a world that always tells you you're not good enough well an orange, or the handle of a frying pan that's the easy stuff so believe in your expansive muff you don't need a purse you don't need a bag all you need is you check your asshole there might be some room in there too believe in yourself
11.
gather 'round listen to the sound go our arms around each other like a sister or a brother i feel so close to all of you we are one and we are true but now i think that we all know this whole place smells like b.o. the odours mix together like farts and old wet leather it'll have to end sooner or later like being stuck in a farty elevator but to say something would be rude no-one wants to kill the mood so let's keep swaying side to side and our disgust we'll try to hide well i've had my fun thank-you so now sing one more time and sit back down
12.
i'm a devastating diva with perfect pitch i'm a bonefied busty buxom bad-ass bitch but i drink too much, i make poor life choices i woke up in a ditch just me and my bike piled up in a heap guess i didn't take a cab 'cause i'm too cheap that's the best i can guess 'cause my memory's a mess at least i'm still wearing my dress that's when it hit me in the morning light under my clothes something wasn't right i took a peak underneath, what did i find mystery glitter where the sun don't shine whose glitter, glitter is this all over my clitoris i've had a shower twenty-five times but i can't get the glitter off this vulva of mine whose glitter, whose glitter whose glitter is this all over, all over the place where i piss, yeah ooh glitter when i sneeze glitter when i cough it's been a couple weeks and i still can't get it off i know what they say now i know what they shout glitter is like herpes and i am breaking out glitter in my panties glitter in my shoe when i took a dump there was glitter in my poo glitter on my clothes on everything i've worn i think i might have fucked a unicorn but when i saw my reflection i looked so good like a diamond in the rough with all these sparkles on my muff sure it's itchy and it's scratchy and it burns down below but the glitter in my soul is like the glitter on my hole this glitter, glitter is bliss all over my clitoris 'cause i've had a shower twenty-five times but i never want the glitter off this vulva of mine i gotta have it i gotta have it now that i've tried, so tell me where did that unicorn where did that unicorn where did that unicorn hide? i wanna go for another ride shine bright like vagina shine bright like vagina shine bright like vagina beautiful diamonds between our thighs shine bright like vagina shine bright like vagina shine bright like vagina shine bright like vagina
13.
Outro 00:25

about

Recorded live at Little Mountain Gallery in Vancouver, Canada.

credits

released February 8, 2015

All songs written and performed by Shirley Gnome
with a little help from Steph Butler on The Glitter Song.

Audio Engineering/Mixing/Mastering - Shafer Carson
Graphic Design: Leanne Padgett
Photography: Kia Rae

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Shirley Gnome Vancouver, British Columbia

From the west coast of Canada comes this multi-award winning cabaret musician, whose all-original, uncensored music about human nature is hilarious, honest, subversive, smart, empowering, taboo and not for the faint of heart. Her cleverly carnal lyrics go down smooth with her inappropriately gorgeous vocals, and her charm will disarm you through even the most provocative topics. ... more

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