Ho Down

by Shirley Gnome

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    This 8 track (not an actual 8track, it just has 8 songs) CD is Shirley's debut album. Jug band fused with naughty lyricism makes for a sweet and delightful one-mic romp. Featuring guitar, ukelele, washboard, spoons, bass, and kazoo, it's rather silly and the beginning of it all. This album will not be reprinted, so get your collector's item while you still can.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Ho Down via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 2 days

      $15 CAD or more 


  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 6 Shirley Gnome releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of TikTakTrax, The Glitter Song (Remix), The Lady of the Night, The Christmas Song, C*untry Music, and Ho Down. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

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Baby baby you are so sweet you love me so tender and you're so discreet your lips are soft and your touch is gentle you are so kind and sentimental but sometimes baby, that just ain't right its not gonna cut it every single night i don't think its asking that much at all if once and a while, you fuck me up against the wall oh... rip off my clothes and slap me hard tear out my hair throw me off of my guard talk to me dirty until I'm in shock lets see what you can do with that big hard imagination.... now i know what you're thinking cuz you're such a nice man how can you love me like i say that you can? well i know that you love me and i love you more so its okay if you treat me like a whore throw me across the room, take me by surprise we were meant to be together, unlike my thighs make me scream until I can't walk oh how I love your big hard imagination.... Oh lovely lady you got such a purdy smile I love your sultry voice and your southern style. Well she's a busy woman I don't wanna crowd'er, just wanna dip m'spoon in yer clam chowder Sweet sweet lady tell me how could this end, well we could go up to my room and just play pretend You got me woman, I know this fer sure, so I apologize if I'm a little premature ohh.... Punch me in the face and give my ass a squeeze I know you love to hear me beggin when I'm on my knees order me woman cuz my love's in stock, call now and I'll throw in a extra big, hard.... imagination. but a woman needs affection a woman needs romance but she also needs a good hard fuckin' so take off your goddamn pants! and.... scratch my back, give me a bite wearing out the mattress, holding me tight i love you baby, you really do rock my world with your big hard imagination but by that i mean cock
monday morning the alarm went off my bed was so cozy and my sheets so soft i looked at the clock and i let out a moan but breakfast wasn't gonna cook on its own there's something bout the morning with the sun so bright well how can it be wrong when it feels so right though i knew i'd go hungry if i i took too long i turned off the alarm and i turned me on i chose.... masturbation over breakfast what a tasty treat that I did not eat i like my orgasm over easy makes me sizzle like bacon from my head to my feet i've got nothing on but the radio and time seems to go oh so very slow with a flick of my wrist i was in the midst of a tidal wave of pleasure i could not resist so i sighed and i giggled and i checked the clock i saw that i spent too much time thinking bout big hard cock so i jumped out of bed my tummy said "goddamn!" but it was drowned by the "thank-you" of my happy little clam cuz i chose masturbation over breakfast who needs food when you're in the mood wakes me up better that a cup of coffee what a positive attitude i give my pearl a whirl instead of eating cereal i think i'll touch myself leave the granola on the shelf go between my legs and forget the eggs gonna self seduce and skip past the juice spend some time with me instead of coffee and tea oh my legs will shake but i don't need a pancake give the two finger salute instead of chopping up some fruit because its me I love the most i won't have any toast well the day is done and what a day! after such a lovely morning everything just went my way now morning stimulation is a habit I might keep but i might wack off just to get to sleep to sleep wack off and go to sleep goodnight i'm spent doodley doo doo...
Spooning with my baby all through the night spooning with my baby oh it never felt so right oh sweet little baby you always do the trick but I just couldn't help myself I totally farted on your dick Sleeping was my baby Don't think he was awake Sleeping was my baby Won't make the same mistake oh I'm gonna clench up my asshole so nothing spoils the mood but my sphincter disagreed and let out a stinker so loud and rude Stirring was my baby Was it the smell or the sound Oh if he wakes and realizes will he ever come back around Oh sweet little baby you know I'm not to blame I'll never let that man take me out for Indian food again But snoring was my baby no witness to the crime looks like I got lucky and bought myself some time oh my my my I'm so relieved we've got a bright future ahead but right when I relaxed I totally shit the bed
i was lying in bed with the man i'll love until i'm dead cozy inside our little love shack he turned and said to me when you are spooning me you feel like a tiny little backpack i will be your backpack crawl into our napsack get inside my fanny pack i've been so all alone cuddle up against your back press into you with my rack knick knack paddy whack Shirley wants to bone but sometimes i need some goddamn space get your fucking stinky neck out of my mother fucking face you smell like a gym sock you haven't bathed in days, oh no get the hell off my side i need to starfish real wide let my arms and legs stretch out so wild and free you know you snore when you drink and your breath it fucking stinks well i was feeling really silly cuz i woke up really chilly and my man was sulking on the other side of the bed so i rubbed him and apologized boy oh boy was i surprised he turned around to face me and he smiled and then he said i'll always be your backpack no matter where the napsack there's never gonna be a lack i'll spoon you to the tomb you are such a tasty snack hit you with my love attack boom shakalakalakalakalaka boom boom shakalakalakalakalaka boom
men like to come on my face men like to come on my face sometimes on my chest and sometimes on my ass but they mostly come on my face it doesn't matter what age it doesn't matter what race if they've been watching porn you better be forewarned they're gonna want to come on your face just the men! men like to come on my face men like to come on my face sometimes on my chest and sometimes on my ass but they mostly come on my face everybody! men like to come on my face men like to come on my face sometimes on my chest and sometimes on my ass but they mostly come on my face
Penis Hand 02:25
me and my lover under the covers fucking in the morning light he said "how bout a jack while i look at your rack?" i said "i think i just might." we huffed and we puffed just a cock and a muff didn't get to wash at alls went off to work but that innocent jerk left the lingerin' scent of your balls the lingerin' scent of your balls well i hope nobody will notice that my hand smells like a penis customer service this girl, this perv, this lady made a big mistake she's selling you wine for 10.99 and waiting for a bathroom break, singing hickory dickory dock my hand smells like a cock the cock shot one big load of cum hickory dickory dock well i got myself a plan i'm gonna wash my penis hand don't tell anybody but i guess baby i i like the linger that you leave on me its true cuz i take you wherever i go and everything i touch smells like you just a whiff of your dick makes me wanna just quit just a whiff of your dick makes me wanna just quit well i took my chances but the funny glances never ceased to stop the day i began with this pungent gentleman is the day i got the chop i went on home got on the telephone and my words made m'lover throb i said take a dip into my pink slip all i got left is a handjob i guess my boss could notice that my hand smells like a penis prick paw! meat mitt! pecker palm! love glove! fuck fingers! cum knuckles! dong digits! penis hand! penis hand! penis hand!
Blew My Load 03:12
all you men worried bout your staying power don't wanna be a minute man wanna last the whole damn hour well let me ease your mind cuz you're not the only one women they can come too soon and i'll show you how its done here's a story here's a story here's a story seldom told of how a woman can blow her load blow her load i met a boy and boy he made me hot i banged him at a party and i don't think he forgot cuz he called me very soon said he was coming by he'd be there in the nighttime and make everything allright now i'm lying in bed just thinking bout it he's going come over and we're gonna have sex show me watcha got cuz you make me so hot and i just wanna feel your touch oh no... i touched myself and blew my load blew my load i couldn't help myself i went ahead and blew my load i blew my load its just the.. thought of loving you its just so exciting sometimes i just can't wait for you i don't mean to be uninviting cuz now i got no energy i fucked myself to sleep so go ahead and leave my boner is gone its long long gone all i got is a wizard's sleeve so come back tomorrow we'll try again try and get it on cuz i think you so hot and you get me so hot think about your cock going into my mouth now sex me up give me the good stuff cuz i want to fuck i want to fuck i want to fuck oh no... singing that song made me blow my load blow my load
your mistress demands you take off your pants tell me you like me whipping your ass i'll strap on a dick and in you i'll stick it hard, until you say the safety word fear my rage your cock's in a cage finger your asshole with chili paste attach 20 amps to both nipple clamps but know that you can say the safety word oooh.. you can't come yet ooh.. you're not allowed, my pet collar and chain fill you with pain drag you round the room again you cannot cry now cum in your own eye... but know that you can say the safety word... the safety word... (banana, banana oh my God!)


released April 17, 2009

Walk-up Texas Ranger - Bass
Rusty Cockle - Washboard
Salt Lik Nik - Spoons
Kernel Kazoostavic - Kazoo/Ukelele

Produced By Marty "Eddy" Slats

Recorded At Harbourside Studios


all rights reserved



Shirley Gnome Vancouver, British Columbia

From the west coast of Canada comes this multi-award winning cabaret musician, whose all-original, uncensored music about human nature is hilarious, honest, subversive, smart, empowering, taboo and not for the faint of heart. Her cleverly carnal lyrics go down smooth with her inappropriately gorgeous vocals, and her charm will disarm you through even the most provocative topics. ... more


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